This Journey is Our Own...

Monday, January 26, 2009

Caya closes her eyes and she thinks she disappears...she can stand in the center of a full room with all eyes on her and she sincerely believes she vanishes with the shutting of her eyelids...when she opens them she says peek-a-boo as if she only reappears when she opens her eyes~peek-a-boo eye see you...

Some times I wish I could just disappear into the ether of life. You know, just close my eyes and be gone for a while. If I could disappear by closing my eyes, maybe I would do it a little too much.

Cha, could you wash everyone's clothes and then fold them and then put them all neatly away? eyes close...disappear.

Cha, we are in marriage counseling and the counselor is asking you about your desire to change people and control situations? eyes close...disappear.

Cha, just stand there while my racist mom tells you about all the things she dislikes about you. eyes close...disappear.

Cha, you are late again! eyes close disappear.

Cha, now why did you go to law school if you were only going to be an artist and stay at home? eyes close...disappear.

Cha, you are 34 years old and have never had a real profession: Why is this? eyes close...disappear.

Cha, what is it exactly that you want to do professionally? eyes close...disappear.

Cha, this resume says you worked as a kayak guide in Exuma and then spent the next summer teaching English to Korean adults in Seoul, what is your plan? eyes close...disappear.

Cha, do you have a COSTCO card in your name? No...then why are you standing in my line? eyes close...disappear.

Cha, I am giving you the stink eye and middle finger because you are driving in my lane crazy lady! eyes close...disappear.

You get my point...from the senseless interactions to the intimate and meaningful ones, there are times when I just don't want to answer...where I just want to close my eyes...and disappear. Like I said before, if I could do this, I believe I would enlist its help far too often. But thankfully, I can't disappear with the shutting of my eyes. Thankfully, every jagged, soft, rough, tragic and beautiful part of life hits me deeply and I cannot ignore it. I cannot shut it out. For it is in this living...living and experiencing all of it, that I am shaped into some one that I long to be. I learn how to traverse the terrain of living~how to weave and bob with the tide of people and their stories. And, it is in this weaving and bobbing that I have learned how to recognize the various stories that are all about in the living of our days...in our choices and in our countenance.

You see if I could just disappear I wouldn't see you and in the seeing...see ME. So here we go, peek-a-boo eye see you...

2 comments:

Unknown said...: Cha, do you know how precious you are?
Cha, do you know how unique you are?
Cha, do you know the amazing legacy you are building Caya?
Closed or open, those insightful eyes exist now- not yesterday, not tomorrow.; 12:17 AM
Unknown said...: ...well, we hope tomorrow!; 12:19 AM

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REDEMPTION

The single word that I hear beating in the sanctuary of heaven and reverberating throughout all the universe and speaking to the heart of man is...Redemption

That which has been lost or stole to the point of having no hold, crushed down to the point of chaff or sawdust, beaten to the point of non-rememberance. That which has lost its health and looks mangled and sick, I hear the Universe whispering as the mouth piece of God...Redemption

To regain possession, use or control of that manifold spirit of wisdom and grace that danced in your dreams. That you, you use to be before the canca worm and years of drought left the fields of your dreams barren and without any resemblence of former grace and power...Redemption

For all the mistakes you've made stepping tall and proud with your eyes wide shut and a strut that bespoke of wisdom not had, you clad in the finest of things...rubies, rings, diamonds and it didn't turn out like you planned, hoped or expected much too dejected in your soul, you've grown old and weary fearing the cold of your future knowing that without suture you lay open and empty. no more dreams to sleep, no more desires to reap, even your kids have fallen off the deep...but i still hear him speak, the greatest song of freedom that Bob Marley onces speaks...Redemption

It is all that I have ever known that won't recoil and say that I am too far gone and beyond compensatories progress and that celestial being that sees my beginings from my digress and sees my future even clearer than what I can glean from this mess of my life. You see there is no mistake too great, not enough years strong enough that can quelch the fire and pace of redemption's grace. You see this world speaks of its power, testifies of its truth...If there is one law that I see everyday, the way the leaves fall from the trees to become soil and help feed that tree again in the spring, is the law of redemption. You see you see if I have been redeemed by the light of the moon and the sun, I know I'm not the only one. It never rains on only one man's house, but without prejudice of station or past, redemption will blast through the of doors of your life giving back years you knew were gone. Dreams that had long since gone and vanished, riches and financial security that use to be your friend mock you from afar telling you that's not who you are...well I will sing my song to you...Redemption

Old pirates might have robbed I and sold I to the merchant ships and thrown I in the bottomless pit but redemption will snatch us from his grip. You see this is my song of freedom. No one is too far gone to ever be rescued. Your dreams may have defferred for 20 or 30 years and you may have watched the sun go done on your years. Dreams that use to be may no longer be and fears may sit in the seat of your soul, but watch close as redemption dances to you holding you tight in the middle of your back and gliding you accross the floors of time and bringing back the soul of that which has been irrevocably destroyed and redemption will kiss it and give it back life! Making your latter better than your former...your dreams of today, better than yesteryear...and these, these my friend won't ever go away. Again, all I can say is...Redemption.

So in this song of freedom that I wrote, what I am trying to relate to the souls of many is: no mistake is too great, no shame so monumentous, no misunderstanding so grand that will preclude you from the redemptions' hand...so lift up your head my friend and see redemption on it's wings, you sing this song of freedom with me...you see...because all that I am or ever will be...Redemption gave it to me.

This Journey is Our Own...

Monday, January 26, 2009

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