"The struggle itself toward the heights is enough to fill man's heart. One must imagine Sisyphus happy..." Albert Camus~The Myth of Sisyphus

So I've been thinking more about my reticence to dive in and give something my all. I think that there is something in me that wants a guarantee of success before I start. That is to say, I want some tangible thing in my hand that I can stuff in my pocket (to pull out as needed) that guarantees me the praise and success I want. If we're honest, we all want to be lauded and told we are great. It gives us a feeling of accomplishment...that what we do, matters.

But the question is, "does this guarantee exist?" And, even if this guarantee existed, "is it proper for me to rest my entire willingness to do my best and give something my all upon this guarantee of success?" I think the answer is ...(and this pains parts of me)...NO. There is no guarantee for success after you have given something your all. At least not what we generally define as success. There is no neon sign at the end of "doing my best" that says...YOU ARE AWESOME! YOUR LIFE COUNTS FOR SO MUCH! Or, (my favourite) YOU ARE SO SUCCESSFUL IT HURTS! Why should I then give my best regardless of the non-guaranteed outcome?

I think that there is something so magical and great that enters into a man's heart when he takes his hand to the proverbial till and harrows the field of his life (no matter how deep, rough and hard) and makes it plantable. I think that the feeling that enters into a person when they look back over their shoulders and see what they alone have accomplished is great. Magnificent. There is no other thing I know that can fill a person to overflowing when they have been gifted to see what they can do! So it is in the doing, the working, the giving something your all that your "raison d'etre", reason for being is magnified to the individual soul that lives. So maybe success is redefined...maybe it's not the end result of praise, accolades, or monetary advancement. Maybe success is simply the gift of giving life all you have and having the visceral feeling of seeing what magnificence you can do! When standing on a mountain top, I feel free. I feel alive. Looking down at the trees that adorn the mountain sides and valleys, makes me want to dive into them and fly. I would never know the complete and utter feeling of freedom that standing on a mountain can cause if mountains didn't exist. This perspective would be lost to me. I think that in large part, the feeling of freedom and life that I have on the mountain top is due to what I know it took to get there. So giving something my best is the reward. Seeing how good I can be is the gift that keeps on giving...and, maybe that knowledge is success.